Evelyn
One more coat. I trace the outside of my eye with the dark pencil. I fill in my lips with my favorite red lip stain. I squirt ugly orange gel in my hands and run it through my thick, black hair. I spritz on some of my favorite perfume. I stand in front of the mirror and look at myself from all angles.
Legs wrapped up in tight, new black stockings. A short black skirt that barely covers me, and a lacy new gray top. It shows just enough cleavage. My skin is glowing; a year-round tan is one of the many benefits of being half Italian. My hair is thick and wavy all around my face and down my back. My makeup is flawless, my body looks great. So what is missing?
“Evelyn Antonietta.” I don’t have time to figure it out before my mom is beating on the bathroom door. I hate when she uses my middle name. “Hurry up in there; Alex will need to use the bathroom.”
I shudder at the sound of his name. Alex. Step-brother. Soon to be, anyways. So far, he’s nothing but a pain in my ass that cuts into my bathroom time and takes up space.
I open the door quickly and walk past her. “Maybe if we had a bigger house with more bathrooms, this wouldn’t happen.”
“Well, we don’t,” my mom stammers with her subtle accent. “We’re doing the best we can. And for now, this is it. So deal with it.” She grabs me by my arm and pulls me down to her eyelevel. “And do not make this any harder for that boy than it already is. Caprimi?”
I roll my eyes. “Yes, Mom. I understand you. Now, would you please get out of my way?” I push past her and go into in my room.
She mumbles something in Italian, but I don’t pay attention. I hear her right outside the door talking to her new fiancé. Fiancé. They’ve been dating for a couple of months; they barely even know each other. But he and his pathetic son moved down here last week. And life has been hell ever since. Well, more hell than usual.
“She’s out of control,” I hear my mom mumbling. She is quite the drama queen. “I just don’t know what to do.”
“Shh,” Derek coos and comforts her. Oh God, give me a break. “We’re all trying to adjust. It’ll get better.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” I mumble.
I wait for them to leave before I pick up my purse and notebook and leave my room. I walk past Alex’s room; he’s coming out. He isn’t really dressed for the first day.
“This is stupid,” I hear him say.
“You’re stupid,” I say as I pass him.
“Wait for me!” He’s behind me a few seconds later.
I turn to him. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“My dad said you were giving me a ride to school.”
I roll my eyes and chuckle. “Yeah right, like I’d be caught dead with a freshman. The bus will be here any minute.”
Right after I say that, the bus passes by our house without stopping. I can’t help but laugh. I slap him on his arm. He’s actually got more muscle than I expected.
“Or not.” I shrug. “Guess you’re walking, Frosh. See you at school.”
“Are you serious?” His face turns all red. “It’s fifteen blocks! I have to register.”
I shrug. “Walk fast.”
I don’t give him time to say anything else. I get in the old, ugly green Nova that my grandparents gave me and start it up. He stands on the porch and stares at me as I pull out of the driveway. For a second I feel kind of bad; then I remember that he fucked everything up.
I speed through the streets. This is my first year driving to school. I’m finally an upperclassman. Junior year. I’m hoping it will be better than the last two years.
When I get to school, I park in the junior section of the student lot. I get out, and immediately, people are staring at me. Everyone knows me here. Some would say that’s a good thing. But it’s not.
A few guys several spots away start to whistle. I roll my eyes and slam the car door shut.
“Hey Evelyn,” I hear one of them say.
“What’s up, sexy?” Another one asks.
I throw my arm up in the air and stick up my middle finger. The guys all laugh and yell.
“Anytime, Sweetheart,” one of them yells.
I make sure I strut extra hard through the lot as they watch me walk away. This is Five Points. It’s a new year, but nothing has changed. I walk in through the front lobby where all of the freshmen are standing nervously.
They practically break their necks to stare at me. My hair is wild and wavy around my face, my clothes are skin-tight. I’m hot. I know I am. I flash them all a smile and watch them melt from the inside out.
Everyone has their hang out spots throughout the school. They all sit with their friends and talk about their summers. I don’t have any friends, so I don’t have anywhere to go. Everyone looks at me as I walk through the lobby. The black guys stare at my ass; the black girls roll their eyes and stare at me hard. The Hispanics purr at me as I walk past them. I don’t even waste my time going through the prep hallway.
I don’t really have anywhere to go. I pull out my phone and text Riley to see where he is. He’s not my boyfriend, just my toy for the time being. I go into the bathroom to fix my hair and check my makeup. I see it. Right by the mirror. It’s been a year and they still haven’t removed it.
Evelyn Rhodes is a slutty-backstabbing-boyfriend stealer. It’s written in bright red permanent marker. It’s been there for a year. I told the principal, he told me to stop giving people something to talk about. I think Mr. Hall was probably just pissed off that I wouldn’t give him a blow job that one time. Rumor really does get around at this school.
I try not to stare at the big red letters that are silently screaming at me. It wasn’t the first time my name was on the bathroom wall, and it probably won’t be the last. It comes with the reputation; I’ve learned to deal with it.
I’m the school slut. Everyone knows my name, although most of them have never met me. The girls here hate me, and the boys love to touch me. Of course I don’t exactly love the title. But someone’s got to wear it, and if it weren’t for my body and my skills, I wouldn’t have anyone. The only people who talk to me are guys who want something from me. People think I’m stupid; but I’m not. I know exactly what they want.
It would be a lot easier if someone loved me with my clothes on.
I pull my jacket over my chest and stare at myself in the mirror. I set myself up for it, really. I wear clothes that show off my figure, clothes that I know will make the guys think stuff. But bad attention is better than no attention, right? My thoughts are interrupted by a group of girls entering the bathroom. I hear their laughter before I see their faces. Preps. I can smell the Ralph Lauren perfume.
“Oh God.” I turn around and see Lena Fisher and her blonde minions. I wonder where Samantha West, their leader is.
I chuckle a little and roll my eyes.
“We better get out of here before we catch something.” Reece, the skinny one looks me up and down.
I hate these bitches. “Keep running your pretty little mouth and you’ll catch my fist to your jaw.”
“Are you threatening me?” Reece takes a few steps forward. “You may want to reconsider that.”
“What are you going to do? Get your dad to arrest me?” I step up to her. “I’m not scared.”
“Listen, slut.” Lena steps in between Reece and me. “You better watch your mouth. Things haven’t changed since last year. I’m still running things.”
“In your dreams,” I stammer. “You’re too eating Samantha’s ass to run anything. Where is the prom queen, anyway?”
“Don’t worry about it,” Lena insists. “Right now, I’m your problem.”
“I wouldn’t really call it a problem.” I shake my head. “You’re more like a disgusting cockroach that just won’t die. It’s rather annoying, but I’ll keep trying.”
“I’m a cockroach?” Lena points to herself. “You’re the one who is disgusting, you stupid whore. What kind of girl sleeps with another girl’s boyfriend?”
“Well, you better watch your mouth.” I put my face right up to hers. “Or I’ll sleep with yours next.”
She doesn’t say anything, just stares at me. I stare back. My eyes burn into hers. I will not back down first.
“Let’s go,” says Jade, the nice one. “I want to see if Samantha is here.”
Lena stares at me for a few more seconds. I crack a mean grin. She turns away and the girls start to walk out.
“This isn’t over, whore.”
“Anytime,” I insist.
I breathe a sigh of relief once they are gone. Although I could kick her ass in fifteen seconds, I honestly don’t want to fight Lena. She and her friends hate me because I slept with Samantha’s boyfriend, Anderson, last year.
We were both drunk at a party. It was after a game, and he was mad at Samantha for not celebrating with him. I sobered up and he needed a ride home, so I drove him. He sweet-talked me. I knew he had a girlfriend, and I knew it was wrong to do that. He also promised he wouldn’t tell anyone. And he called me beautiful. That’s not something I hear very often. Sexy, hot, those I hear. But beautiful is something different.
Needless to say, I did it. We did it. In the backseat of my Nova. And a few weeks later, he told Samantha. She went crazy. Just like that, everyone in the school hated me. It’s amazing how much power one girl can have in a school of over two thousand. But, even though Anderson was just as guilty as me (more guilty, in my opinion), she stayed with him. And I got dubbed the slut.
Once you’ve heard something for so long, eventually you start to believe it. So I started sleeping around. Guys paid me attention, and since I’d lost all of my friends, I needed something to fill that void. Sex fills it at least enough for me to feel alive. I just don’t know how much longer I can run on E. Nobody knows that Anderson was my first time.
The bell rings and still no text from Riley. I guess I can’t get mad, since he’s not technically my boyfriend. I leave the bathroom and follow my peers to homeroom.
Ms. Brooks is my homeroom teacher. She hates me, just like everyone else in this school. She passes out our schedule cards and doesn’t even look at me when she puts mine on the desk.
The announcements come on, and I see the ever-perfect Ruby St. Clair on the television screen. She was in girl scouts with me when we were younger. I grew out of that stage; I don’t think she ever did. She talks to the school in her everything-is-so-perfect-in-my-world voice.
I ignore her and look over my schedule card. I have English first period, World History second, Business Law third, C lunch, and Woodshop last. This schedule would seem easy to someone who is good at school. But school is not on my list of skills. I fold the card up and watch the rest of the announcements. Ruby glows up there on the television, and I want to punch her in her face. Who decided that she gets to have the perfect life? Who decided that she gets to be the golden girl? Was it God? Whoever it was, I’d like to meet them and punch them in the face, too.
When the bell rings, I file out with the rest of my classmates, ignoring the snickers of a few girls behind me. I head to Junior English, which I already know is going to bore me to tears. My teacher is an old lady with round glasses and white hair. She’s smiling way too hard as we all enter the classroom. I look for someone I recognize, and see Brian Phillips, my dealer. He gives me good weed every now and then, when I really need it. I head to the back of the classroom and sit diagonally in front of him. The guy behind me goes by Crash. I don’t really know him; I just know he got his nickname because of a huge scar on the side of his face.
“What’s up, Ev?” Brian asks.
I turn around to him and smile. He’s cute, for a stoner. “Hey, Brian.”
“How was your summer?” He doesn’t really smile back. He’s one of the few that never tried anything on me.
I shrug. “Nothing special. My mom met some guy, and he just moved in with his pathetic freshman son. He’s a total loser.” I get sick just thinking about Alex.
“That sucks.” Brian shakes his head. “What’s his name?”
“Alex Reid. Trust me, don’t waste your time.” The teacher stands up in front of the class and I turn around to pretend I’m paying attention. The first day blows.
Her name is Mrs. Eller, and she goes over the roster. She starts telling us about the rules; the same rules we’ve heard a million times at this point. She passes out a sheet of paper detailing a group assignment.
“You’re going to be working on a group project for the entire semester.”
Apparently, we are going to have to make a film. A film about what, I ask myself.
“A film about what?” Crash asks. That was weird.
“Ah,” says Mrs. Eller. “That is the question. You are to get into groups of three or four, and make a video. The theme of your video is simple…” She smiles. “Life.”
The whole class lets out a collective sigh. I can already tell I’m going to be ditching this class a few times.
“Can’t we just read Beowulf and learn how to write haikus?” Crash tries to be funny. Clearly a few people think he is, because they laugh.
Mrs. Eller nods. “You could. But then you’d all be complaining about how boring my class was. You’d tell me it was just like all of the other English classes you’ve had. And that, ladies and gentlemen…” She stares straight at Crash.” Is the ultimate insult.”
Crash doesn’t say anything else, so she just smiles and continues. ” I will let you pick your groups, and for the remainder of the class you will discuss ideas for you Life films. “ Thank God we get to pick our own groups. “Tomorrow we will talk about your first reading assignment.” She looks at Crash with a sarcastic grin. “Beowulf will come later in the semester. Go.”
I stare straight ahead, hoping that Brian asks me to be in a group with him. After a few seconds of awkward silence, people start to move around. Brian taps me on the shoulder.
“Hey, Ev.” I turn around and look at him.
“You wanna be in a group together?” He smiles.
I smile back. He knows I do. “Sure.” I shrug like it’s no big deal.
He looks at Crash, who is just sitting there. ” What about you, Crash? We need a third person.”
I cross my fingers under the desk that he says no. But that would be too good to be true.
“Why not?” Crash shrugs. Oh, well.
For the rest of class, we discuss our project. It goes by pretty quickly, and soon Mrs. Eller is telling us to put our desks back.
“I hope you all have a great first day,” she says in her generic teacher voice.
When the bell rings, I follow Crash and Brian out of the room and outside. The courtyard is packed with kids in their usual break spots. I don’t really have a spot, because I don’t have a group of friends to hang out with. But I know Riley is in the front lobby, so I head inside to see him. He’s leaned up against the wall. He’s got on a leather jacket, a tight white v-neck shirt, dark jeans, and converses. He looks great from afar, and even better up close.
“Hey,” he says once he sees me.
I reach my hands around his neck and kiss him long and hard. I know everyone is watching. And I know that none of them would dare step up and say anything, not to our faces anyway. Riley is the rebel, the bad guy. Other guys fear him and all of the girls love him. And he’s mine. For now, anyway.
“Relax,” he says after he pulls away from me.
“I just missed you,” I insist. “That’s all.”
“I know.”
Riley is also the coldest, meanest person I have ever met. He doesn’t talk to me much. But, he’s a good kisser and he lasts a long time in bed. So, I don’t complain. He can talk to me however he wants; I don’t really have a choice.
“How was your first period?”
“I didn’t go.” He shrugs.
“You missed your first class of senior year?” I raise my eyebrows. “That’s not a very good idea.”
“What are you, my mother now?” Riley grabs my wrist. Not hard, but I feel it. “I just didn’t feel like going.”
“Okay, Riley.” I pull away from him.
He puts his arm around my waist and looks at me. With those eyes. The eyes always get me. They are big, and brown, and pitiful. I don’t know how so much evil can come from a boy with a face as pretty as his.
“I’m sorry, girl.” He sighs. “I just hate this place, you know? I hate this fucking school.”
“Me too,” I agree. “That’s why we’ve got to stick together. You’re all I’ve got in this place.”
“I know,” he says again.
I rub his arm and try to kiss him again, but he turns away. Now his eyes are distant. He’s looking at something else. I turn and follow his gaze. Someone else. He’s staring at Audrey Oliver. Bloody Mary. The biggest nerd in school, who’s worn the same sweaters since the second grade. She’s sitting on the bench outside of Mr. Hall’s office, right next to Alex.
My mom works at one of her Mom’s hotels. She’s worked there since I was little. I would always see Audrey around the Eagle when my mom took me to work with her. I don’t know why Riley is staring at her so hard, but I need to get his attention back on me.
The bell rings and I grab his hand. “Walk me to class,” I say with a smile.
“I can’t.” He shakes his head. “I’ve got to get to my class. It’s nowhere near yours.” I know he’s lying, because he didn’t even take the time to ask what class I have next.
“Whatever,” I pull my hand away from his and leave him standing there in the lobby. Sometimes he makes me sick. We’ve been together for the entire summer. That’s three months. And he still won’t just call me his girlfriend. We hang out outside of school sometimes, and we’re sleeping together. He says that part is great. But he still won’t just commit. I guess he’s got some sort of badass reputation to maintain.
I hurry to World History. My teacher, Mr. McCloy, is pretty cool. I had him last year for World History. But, I failed it because I stopped going to class. So, I’m in here again, with a bunch of sophomores. At least the sophomores don’t know me that well. They know about me, sure. But none of them laugh or make any comments when I come in and sit down. I can’t afford to fail again, so I sit in the front of the class.
I can’t get my mind off of Riley, but I try to push it away for the time being. Mr. McCloy reads off the roster. He smiles at me when he gets to my name. I guess he still likes me, even though I was never in his class. Maybe he’s forgotten me. I’ve become more and more forgettable these days.
“Okay, let’s get started.” He clasps his hands together and rocks back and forth on his heels. “Everyone take out a sheet of paper and answer this question for me in your own words. Are you ready for it?” He pauses for a second. “What is history?”
Everyone stares at him. He just laughs.
“I mean it. Tell me in your own words, what you think history is.” He looks at his watch. “You’ve got five minutes, starting now.”
Everyone sits there for a few seconds. I try to muster something up in my brain, which is still registered in summer mode. At the end of the five minutes, he jumps up and down a few times.
“Time is up. Put your pencils down. Now!” He points to some kid in the back that is still writing.
“Okay, let me see.” He looks around the room. His eyes stop on me. “Evelyn.” He smiles. “Why don’t you tell us what history is, in your opinion.”
I look at my sentence and fiddle with my pencil. I knew he was going to call on me. I guess he remembers me after all. I clear my throat and read off the sentence that I wrote down. I can feel all eyes on me.
“History is anything in the past that people feel is important enough to recall to teach, remember, and learn from in the present day.” That actually sounds pretty smart.
“Interesting,” Mr. McCloy says slowly. “That’s a very nice interpretation. Now, let me ask you this. What about dinosaurs? When were they roaming around?” He looks around the class.
“Prehistoric times,” someone answers quietly.
“Ah.” Mr. McCloy smiles. “Prehistoric. Does that mean that anything before history is not important enough to teach or learn about today?” He stares at me.
I guess it wasn’t that smart after all. “Well, no. It’s still important.” I shrug. “I guess I was wrong.”
“You’re on the right track, though,” he insists. He turns on his PowerPoint presentation and everyone shuffles around for a few seconds. “Prehistoric times,” he begins. “Let’s discuss this for a little bit.”
He goes on about the theories of evolution, Charles Darwin, and dinosaurs for the rest of class. It’s pretty interesting I guess, but I’m just ready to get out of here.
Right before the bell rings, he stops. “I’ll leave you with that for today. We’ll pick up here tomorrow.”
I pack my stuff up and wait for the bell to ring. When it does, I head out into the crowded hallways and make my way to the administration circle. I want to stop and see my guidance counselor, Ms. McConnell. She is the only person I halfway trust.
I go in through the back of the circle of offices and to the right where the guidance offices are. Gabe DeCarteret, a theater geek with red-blond hair and a pretty smile is sitting outside of her office at a desk.
“Hey, what’s up?” he asks sweetly.
“I just wanted to see Irene, er—Miss McConnell.”
Gabe smiles. I’ve gone to school with him since middle school. He’s been the guidance office assistant since last year and he is always really nice to me.
“No problem, girl.” He stands up. “Miss McConnell.” He pokes his head into her office. He’s wearing dark skinny jeans, a tight turquoise v-neck, and a black vest. He looks like something off of the pages of a fashion magazine. Sometimes I wish he wasn’t gay.
“Evelyn Rhodes is out here. Are you busy?”
“Tell her to come in!” I hear Ms. McConnell’s voice and I am instantly gratified.
“Go ahead.” He steps out of the doorway and smiles.
“Thanks,” I mumble.
“Evelyn!” Ms. McConnell jumps up out of her chair when she sees me. She hugs me so tight my breath stops short.
“Hey, Miss McConnell.”
“How are you, doll face?” She looks me up and down. She tugs on the top of my shirt and pulls it up a little.
“I’m good.” I shrug. “For the first day, I guess.”
“That’s good. Junior year, huh? You know this is the important one. Colleges will be looking at—“
“Don’t say that word.” I hold my hand up and interrupt her.
She just laughs. “A whole three months and nothing’s changed.” She shakes her head. “And I am so glad. Are you going to be visiting me weekly again?”
“Would that be okay?” I hesitate. “If it’s too much trouble, don’t worry about it.”
“Nonsense,” she insists. “I know I work with mostly sophomores, but I have room for a few of my favorite upperclassmen. I’ll have Mister Donalee send your file over here. You’re mine for the year.”
“Thanks, Irene.” I smile my first genuine smile of the day. “I should get to class.”
“Where are you headed?”
“Business Law.”
“Oh, sounds fun.” She takes reaches into a desk drawer and pulls out a granola bar. “Eat this. You look hungry.” We both laugh and I take the granola bar.
“Thanks, Miss McConnell. I’ll see you around.”
“Sure thing, Sugar.” She winks at me.
I leave her office reluctantly, wave at Gabe on my way out and take the short walk to my Business Law class.
My teacher is Mr. Ervin, the biggest pushover in the world. His classes are bird courses, and I’m ready to get what could be my first A. He’s a big nerd, really tall with thick glasses and a shiny bald head. His shoes match his belt and he’s got on a disgusting orange and pink tie. But he’s smiling. At least someone is excited to be here.
“Good morning, class.” He stands in front of us. I look around and I know I’m in here with a bunch of other slackers looking for an easy A. “This is Business Law. I hope you’re all in the right place.”
He starts down the roll. Every time he says a person’s name, he looks up at them, greets them, and smiles really wide.
“Evelyn Rhodes,” He looks around until he sees me with my hand raised.
“Right here,” I say softly.
“Whore,” a guy a few rows over says while acting like he’s coughing. A few kids around him laugh.
I turn and look at him. It’s Rob, one of Brian’s friends that I hooked up with last year. It’s funny how the pet names change from when I’m screwing him to when I’m not. Whatever. I flip him the bird and stare back at the teacher.
“Good morning, Evelyn.” Mr. Ervin seems oblivious.
I don’t say anything back, just slump lower in my seat and pretend that nobody can see me. He immediately goes into details about the course, what he expects of us, and what we’ll be learning throughout the year.
About halfway through the class, I hear people laughing next to me. I turn to my right just enough to see what they are laughing at. They are passing around a piece of paper with some sort of drawing on it.
I strain my eyes to see the picture. Kirsten, the girl next to me, notices me looking at it. After laughing for a few more seconds, she hands me the paper.
The picture is of two stick figures. One of them, a boy, is laying down. The other one, a girl, is sitting on top of him. There is an arrow pointing to the girl. Next to the arrow is my name. At the bottom of the paper, it says ‘Evelyn Rhodes… Everyone gets a ride.’
I crumple the paper up as they continue to laugh. Like that’s the first time I’ve ever heard that one. I throw the paper at Rob’s head, as I’m sure he is the one who drew it. It misses his head and lands on Janey Boyd’s desk. She’s so busy drawing in her notebook that she barely even notices. She pushes the crumpled paper off onto the floor without looking at it.
Janey probably doesn’t know much about me, but I know about her. She disappeared for a few weeks last year. Before she left, she was a typical rich girl. But when she came back, she was different. Her hair went from blonde to black. She’d ripped up her jeans and traded her pearls in for chains.
Nobody really knows what happened to her, but I remember sitting outside of the guidance counselor’s office one day. She was talking to Janey about some place called South Campus. Apparently it’s a place for teens with problems. I remember thinking maybe I should go there, too. A few days later, Janey was gone. And then she came back like this.
They all laugh softly for the rest of class. I force myself to keep my head straight, watch Mr. Ervin’s mouth move, and not cry. Whatever I do, they cannot see me cry.
The time drags. With every second, I hear a giggle. Some of the people laughing I actually considered friends a year ago. It’s funny how things change with rumors and mistakes. That’s all high school is: a big, torturous, rumor-filled mistake.
When the bell rings, I hurry out of class as fast as I can. I’m going to meet Riley so we can have lunch together. I’m heading towards my locker when I see him. He’s so tall he stands out above the rest of the kids in the hallway. He’s talking to someone, but I can’t tell who they are.
Until I see the blonde hair.
Samantha West. The girl I hate most; the person who hates me the most. I don’t know why Riley is talking to her. They aren’t friends, and Anderson would kill him if he saw this. Jealousy twists my stomach into a thousand knots and sets my heart on fire. I quicken my pace and stop right in front of them.
“Why are you talking to her?” I put my hands on my hips and stare hard at Riley.
Samantha turns around quickly. Her blonde hair almost smacks me in the face.
“We weren’t talking,” she insists. She puts her hand on her hip, too. “I’m leaving now.”
“That’s probably a good idea.” I look her up and down.
I know what I did with Anderson last year was wrong. But that doesn’t change the fact that it makes me cringe just to think about Samantha talking to Riley, even if he’s not my boyfriend.
“You can have him,” she assures me. “I have a boyfriend. You know, the one who you thought you could steal from me by sleeping with him when he was drunk.”
I want to laugh in her face. “He wasn’t that drunk. And besides,” I step right up to her face. “Drunk or not, he knows I was better than you’ll ever be.” I know just how to push her buttons. I know it’s mean, but I have to stand my ground.
Riley tugs lightly on my arm, pulling my gaze away from her.
“Ladies.” He puts his hand around my waist and Samantha walks away. His hand around me is really comforting, and my heart rate slows back down.
“You shouldn’t let her get to you,” he says once we are walking towards the cafeteria.
“And you shouldn’t be talking to her,” I insist. “She makes me sick.”
“You’re overreacting.” He squeezes my side. “We have a class together. I was just asking her about the homework.”
I can see right through him. “Since when do you care about homework?”
“Don’t worry about it.” He takes his arm away from my waist and we walk into the cafeteria.
The cafeteria is packed with cliques squeezing into tiny booths and stuffing their faces. The gossip mill is already in full force.
“Did you hear about…”
“She’s dating him now…”
“Oh my God. Are you serious?”
I try to shut it out. I don’t care about any of these people and their pathetic lives. They share each other’s secrets. I try desperately to keep mine hidden.
“What are you going to eat?” Riley looks at me.
“Nothing.” I shrug. “I’m not hungry.”
“Are you sure? It’s the first day. You may want to take advantage of the good food while it lasts.”
I laugh a little bit and cross my arms over my stomach. “No, I’m fine.”
“Alright.” He sighs. “I’m going to get a chicken sandwich.”
He joins the masses in line and I stand there waiting for him. People look at me; I can feel them looking at me. Every time someone laughs, I am sure they are laughing at me.
“What’s up, Rhodes?” I hear a male voice behind me. Someone bumps into me. I turn around to see Ryan Dotson and some of his douche bag friends.
“What do you want?” I stand up tall.
“You know what I want.” He smiles a crooked grin.
“I’m taken,” I insist.
“By who? Riley Sutton?” He laughs. “In your dreams, girl.”
“Shut up.” I wrap my arms tighter around my waist.
“Come on.” He pulls on my arm. He puts his face right next to my ear and whispers, “Or I’ll tell everyone your little secret.”
“Fuck you,” I mutter. But he knows he’s got me.
“Ten Minutes. Science stairwell. You better be there.” He squeezes my arm and I pull away from him.
“Whatever,” I mumble.
He winks at me and leaves, his friends following him and laughing. Riley shows up a few minutes later.
“Come on.” He motions towards the back and I follow him through the crowded cafeteria.
Five Points is like a circus, and we are all a part of our own special kind of freak show. I look around at all of the performers, each with their own oddities. I see all of them for what they really are.
There’s Anderson and Samantha, the jock boy and the starving artist, surrounded by their audience. Anyone who can’t see that Sam has an eating disorder is blind. Who am I to talk, though? In the middle of the cafeteria is Ruby, the human punching bag, taking hits from everyone. Gabe, the closet freak, is sitting at the table next to Ruby’s with the theater geeks. In the back is Manny Aviles, who wouldn’t surprise me if he could swallow one of those knives he carries in his pockets. Across from him is Jeoff Kente, the boy who was born the wrong color.
I put my arm around Riley’s waist as we walk to a table in the very back corner. “You’re killing me with the PDA,” he says quietly.
“I’m sorry.” I take my hand away.
Riley. The boy with skin as tough as leather. The boy who was afraid of commitment.
We sit down and he eats his sandwich. I run my hands up and down my tights, nervous about what is going to happen with Ryan in a little while. I shouldn’t tell Riley; he’d kill Ryan. But if I don’t meet Ryan at the stairwell, he’ll tell everyone.
Last year, I got syphilis. I don’t know where I got it, but I got a shot of penicillin and now it’s gone. Ryan volunteers at the clinic I went to, and somehow he saw my file. He’s been holding it over my head since then. Apparently the STD scare wasn’t enough to keep him away from me.
Riley doesn’t know about the syphilis thing. Not many people do. That’s one rumor that’s managed to stay under control. In order to keep it that way, I’ve got to do whatever Ryan wants. Now I have to come up with a reason to leave lunch early.
“I’m going to go smoke a cigarette.” Riley breaks me out of my trance.
“Okay,” I say a little too relieved. “I’m gonna go freshen up.”
“Cool.” Riley raises an eyebrow. I’m sure he expected me to ask if I could go with him. “I’ll see you in woodshop.”
“Okay.”
He leaves through the back of the cafeteria and I walk around to the side door. When I get outside, I see the Emos and the stoners. Janey, the girl with the ugly scars sits with her weird friends. They all have matching haircuts and skinny jeans.
Brian is riding on his board with his friends around the parking lot. He’s the guy with the chemical imbalance. I can’t remember the last time I saw him sober. Audrey, the caged freak, is sitting with her gay best friend.
I ignore all of them and head around the school to the math and science building. When I get there, Ryan is waiting right outside with his hands in his pockets and a smug grin on his face.
“I knew you’d come.” He steps towards me. “You never disappoint.”
“You don’t have to sweet talk me, Ryan.” I push him away. “Let’s just get this over with.”
We go inside and he leads the way under the stairwell. “Don’t try anything dangerous,” he says while he unzips his pants.
“I know what I’m doing,” I insist and get down on my knees. I close my eyes and put myself somewhere else. There are flowers, blue skies, warm air, and no boys. I don’t know where I am. Anywhere but here.
I’m done before the bell rings and Ryan runs off. I go to the bathroom and gargle hot water three times. I fix my makeup and hair and put two pieces of gum in my mouth. Anything to get rid of the taste. I stare at myself in the mirror. Disgraced. Ashamed. Nothing new.
I hurry to woodshop, although I’m already late. I hope Riley saved me a seat. When I get there, Mike has already started. I open the door and walk in quickly.
“Sorry I’m late,” I say loudly. Of course everyone turns around and stares at me. I walk towards the front of the room.
“It’s alright, Evelyn.” Mike smiles. “Have a seat. I was just about to call out your partner assignments.”
Riley didn’t save me a seat. He’s the only one not looking back at me. I take a seat in the back next to Audrey Oliver. I look her up and down. What is Bloody Mary doing in woodshop? She doesn’t look at me, just stares ahead at Mike, who begins calling out our partners.
I’ve been in a shop class before, so I’m sure I’ll get paired with one of the boys. I hope he puts me with Riley.
But Riley gets paired with Audrey. I can see her face when he stands up and walks towards her. She looks at him just like any girl would for the first time. He is beautiful, after all. But she stares hard, a little harder than I want her staring at my guy.
“You coming?” He asks her.
She doesn’t say anything. She just nods and follows him to the back. I remember when I used to be like that with him. Sometimes I still get like that.
Mike calls on me a few minutes later. “Evelyn, you’re going to be working with Tyler Green. You guys will start at station twelve.”
I stand up and head to my station without waiting for my partner. Tyler sits down a few seconds after me.
“What’s up?” He’s tall with blond hair and pretty blue eyes. It takes me two seconds to color him. A good boy. Maybe too good.
“Hey.”
He smiles. He has nice teeth.
“Have you ever taken a shop class before?” He pulls a notebook out. A good student, too.
“Two.” I nod.
“Wow.” He seems impressed. “Well I’m new here. You’re the first person that’s talked to me all day.”
“Oh really?” I smile. New kids are always the best. “What year are you?”
“I’m a junior.”
“Me too.” I nod. “So, you didn’t think that just because I’m a girl that I don’t know what I’m doing, did you?”
He laughs for a second. “No, not at all. I’m all about women’s liberation, or whatever.”
I laugh, too. “Oh, now you’re just being a smart ass.”
Mike starts going over the rules and procedures. I’ve heard this all before, so I zone out. I stare at Tyler for most of the class period. He writes down everything that Mike says. He doesn’t look at me much. Occasionally I look over at Riley. Audrey is staring at him. Sometimes I catch him looking back at her. I want to hit her.
“I know this is a lot of information for you to take in, so we will cover the rest tomorrow. “ I finally tune into Mike. “Go ahead and discuss with your partners when you can work together outside of class on your projects.”
Tyler turns to me and smiles. “So, what days work for you?”
“Anytime.” I shrug. “I’m not a very busy person.”
“Okay.” He nods. “Should we exchange phone numbers?” He pauses for a second. “Just in case we need to get in contact with each other. I’m not trying to—“
“Calm down,” I insist and smile. “Here’s my number.” I write it down at the top of the page in his notebook. “Text me sometime.”
Tyler sighs. “Okay, I will.”
The bell rings a few seconds later and I hop off my stool. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Tyler.”
“Bye, Evelyn.” He smiles and leaves. I noticed that he didn’t look at my chest once for the entire period. He looked at me. Weird.
I head over to Riley’s station and bump into Audrey hard. She stares at me.
“Watch it, Miss Goody-Two-Shoes.” I pop a big bubble of gum in her face.
Her face turns red. “I’m sorry,” she stammers.
“Yeah,” I agree. “You are. Nice sweater.”
“Thanks,” she mutters and walks past me.
Riley grabs his book bag and shakes his head.
“What?” I ask.
“You need to relax. You are getting way too jealous.”
“Jealous of who? Bloody Mary?” I laugh. “Yeah, right.”
“She’s cool.”
“Oh, really?” I push him lightly. “Yeah she seemed really cool with the way you were staring at her.”
“Look who’s talking?” He yells once we are out in the parking lot. “Every time I looked at you, you were lost in old boy’s baby blues. And I saw you writing in his notebook. What, were you giving him your hours?”
“Fuck you!” I yell. A few people look at us. I push him hard and start to walk away.
“Wait, wait, wait.” Riley takes my arm and turns me around. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I was just pissed because you disappeared after lunch and I didn’t know where you were. Why were you late to class?”
Oh, now he cares. I wrack my brain for a quick excuse.
“Girl stuff,” I say. And he shuts up. Works every time.
“Do you want to come over to my place?” I smile and pull on his leather jacket. “Nobody’s home.”
“What about your step-brother?”
I cringe. “Don’t call him that. And he’s riding the bus; he won’t be home for a while.”
Riley shrugs. “Okay, sure. I’ve got work at five, though.”
“Can you give me a ride on your bike?”
“I don’t know about that.” He shakes his head.
“Come on, Riley.” I put my arms around his waist and slide my hands in his back pockets. “Please?”
“Fine,” he grumbles. We get on his shiny black motorcycle and he revs it up. He is so sexy in this moment. All eyes are on us as we speed out of the parking lot, my hair whipping back and my arms wrapped tightly around his waist.
When we get to my house, we waste no time. I don’t ask him if he wants anything to drink. We don’t stop to sit in the living room and watch TV. We head straight down the hall to my room at the end.
“I see you cleaned up in here.” Riley laughs at my messy room.
I pick up the clothes I left on my bed this morning and throw them towards the closet. “Shut up,” I say and reach for his belt.
“Yes ma’am.” He bends down to kiss me and at some point we fall onto the bed. We pull each other’s clothes off pretty fast. We are both experts at this by now. He kisses so good, and everything in my head gets dark.
I run my nails up and down his back. I’ve been waiting for this moment all day. The moment when I feel the closest to him and I imagine that he feels close to me.
When we’re finished, we lay there naked and silent. He’s not the cuddling type, so we lay on our own sides. My stomach rises and falls with his, our breaths in perfect sync.
“That was a good way to end the first day of school,” he says after several minutes of silence.
“Agreed.” I stretch lazily. “I should get back soon so I can get my car.”
“Yeah,” Riley agrees. “I should get to the shop.”
We get dressed on opposite sides of the room and I follow him outside. Alex is in the driveway looking at Riley’s bike. The super freak; the new kid.
“Hey kid,” Riley hurries down the steps. I hope he kicks Alex’s ass. “Keep your hands off my bike.”
“Sorry,” Alex stutters. “She’s just beautiful.”
I smile. “Thank you. Now get lost, freshman.”
He rolls his eyes. “Do you have to call me ‘freshman’ when we’re not at school?”
“Shut the fuck up and get in the house.” I put my hands on my hips. “You’re giving me a headache.” Or that may have been Riley’s doing.
Riley puts his hand on my shoulder. “Leave the poor kid alone.” He turns back to Alex. “I’m Riley, by the way.”
They shake hands and Alex smiles. “Hey, I’m-”
“Not important.” I chime in. “We have to go, Riley. I gotta get my car before they close the gates.” I push him towards the motorcycle.
Riley sighs. “See ya around, kid.”
Alex has taken everything from me. The last thing I’m going to do is let him take my (sort of) boyfriend, too.
Once we are back at school, I hop off of Riley’s bike. He takes off his helmet and smiles.
“You should be nicer to that kid.” He pulls on my hair. “You know he’s probably having a shitty time right now.”
“Whatever,” I sigh. “I’ll try.”
“There you go.” He leans over and kisses me. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” I shrug. “Probably go for a drive. Stay out of the house as long as I possibly can.”
“Okay. Be safe.” He kisses me again. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I want to tell him to call me. But that’s something that boyfriends do. So I just nod and say okay and hope that he calls. He speeds off and I get in my old ugly green Nova.
I speed through the streets of Chicago, dodging traffic where I can. I go to my favorite spot. It is just a parking lot, where there used to be a Dairy Queen. The restaurant has been closed for years and big patches of grass are growing all over the lot. I park the car and pull out the Ziploc bag of weed in the glove compartment. Brian’s got the best bud in town.
I roll a joint and light it. I take a few hits and blow the smoke out the window. Nobody ever comes around here, so I’m not worried. I lay down in the seat and smoke the rest of the blunt. I think about my mom and how she moved these strangers into our house. I think about school and how much it’s going to suck. I think about Lena and what she will do to make my life hell this year. I think about Ryan and the disgusting things I did today just to keep things a secret. I think about Riley, and how he’s the closest thing I’ve got to having someone. And I don’t even have him yet.
Sometime before the sun goes down, I fall asleep. I have the same dream as always. I’m eight again. Everything is pitch black. Then a spotlight comes on and shines down on my legs. Then the hand grabs my ankle and moves its way slowly up my leg. It finds its way beneath my skirt.
I open my mouth to scream, but nothing comes out. Nobody can see me; there is nobody around. My body starts to hurt as I try to force a scream. No, I repeat to myself. I will myself to say it out loud. Still nothing. Then I hear the voice, a low, raspy whisper.
“Papa Jay loves you.”
Finally, the scream comes. But now I am awake. I sit up, sweaty and hurting. My heart pounds and my head throbs. I hate falling asleep. I check my phone. It’s almost midnight. No call from Riley. I get out of the car and sit down in the parking lot. I press my face against the cool pavement.
I lay there. The biggest freak of them all. The girl who can’t say no.
