Crash
“Davie, stop.”
Davie continues to step off of the sidewalk. He points his foot out and laughs, then pulls it back. He jumps off of the sidewalk and a car whizzes by.
“Davie!” I grab his arm and jerk him up onto the sidewalk. “Stop it. And I mean it.”
He looks down at the ground and I let go of his arm. “I’m sorry, kid. You just scared me, that’s all.”
“Sorry, Crash.” He rubs his arm.
We stand there in silence for a few seconds. “Hey, you wanna go to the football game tonight?”
He looks up at me with bright eyes and a wide grin. “Football?”
“I tell you what.” I squat down to get on his level. “If you’re a good boy at school today, I’ll take you to the football game tonight. Okay?”
“Will the band be there?” He squeals.
“Yep,” I assure him. “But you’ve got to be a good boy, okay? No time-outs, do you understand?”
He nods his head up and down and giggles. A few minutes later his bus arrives and he squeezes me tight before getting on. My bus comes shortly after and I ride in silence. I follow my peers into school and stop to say hey to a few people.
Alex, the freshman, walks by me in a hurry. “Hey man,” I say.
He turns around and half-smiles. “What’s up dude?”
“Nothing much.” I shrug. “How’s everything going for you? You don’t ride the bus anymore.”
“Yeah, I’m working for the football team now.” He stuffs his hands in his pockets. Jock wannabe. I should have known.
“You should come out to the game tonight.”
“I’m thinking about it.” I nod. “So I haven’t seen you at group. You really should check it out sometime.”
“I’m just busy.” He runs his hand over his head and sighs. “I’ll try to check it out sometime.”
“Cool,” I mumble. “Well I’ll see you around, Alex. Good luck at the game tonight.”
“Thanks, man.”
I head outside, cursing myself for thinking I saw something in that kid. Dallas and Rob are in our usual place, sharing a cigarette and talking about the new episode of Cops.
“You babysitting tonight?” Rob asks me.
“I think I’m going to take Davie to the game.” I wave the cigarette smoke from my face. “Why?”
“We were talking about going shooting tonight.” Dallas puts his cigarette out and blows smoke in my face.
“You know that’s illegal, right?”
Dallas shrugs. “Not like we’re going to get caught.”
“I can’t.”
“Whatever, man.” Rob puts his cigarette out. “You’re never around anymore. You’re always working or with the kid.”
Tell me about it. I want to punch Rob in his throat, but instead I shrug and take a drag from Dallas’s cigarette.
“I’m sorry, dude. I’ll shoot with you guys another weekend.”
I go to class when the bell rings, manage to get through two tests I barely studied for, and skip art class just for the hell of it. I thank God Statistics is canceled for the pep rally, but decide not to go to that either. I don’t need to see the jocks and student council parading around like they’re something to look at.
I take the short way home, which is still a pretty long walk. I call Mr. West to tell him I can’t make it today.
“I’m just not feeling well,” I half-lie. Health-wise, I’m fine. But I’m uneasy about something.
“Get yourself rested and be ready to work tomorrow,” Mr. West says. “I need you, Crash.”
“Yes sir.”
I hang up the phone and sit down in the plastic white chair outside of our room. I text Janey to let her know that she doesn’t need to watch Davie tonight. She’ll be thrilled to have the Friday night off. I sit anxiously and wait for Davie. When I see his bus, I hop up and meet him at the sidewalk. He jumps into my arms.
“Are we going to see the band?” His voice rings in my ears.
“Were you a good boy today?” I put him down on the sidewalk and hold his hand while we walk across the parking lot.
He puts his head down.
“What did you do?”
He shrugs.
“Davie, you’re going to have to tell me sometime, you know.”
He nods slowly.
“Well, what is it?”
“I touched a girl,” he mumbles without looking up. “I asked her if I could see her coo-ka, and she said no.” He looked up at me with watery eyes.
“Her coo-ka?”
“You know…” He points to the zipper of his jeans. “And she said no, but she said I could touch it. So I did. And then… And then she told on me.” Tears spill down his cheeks and I can’t help but laugh.
“Oh man, Davie.” I ruffle his hair. “Sounds like you just learned your first lesson about girls. Don’t trust them.”
“I won’t.” He shakes his head. “Ever.”
“And no more Jersey Shore for you, understand?” I know he’s learning that language from trash TV. The last thing Mom needs is a call from the school about Davie’s filth mouth.
“Okay,” he grumbles.
Once we’re inside he takes off his book bag and sits down on the bed. He twiddles his thumbs and I wait for him to ask again.
“But can we still go watch the band?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug.
He lowers his head and sniffles.
“I think we should get us a man’s dinner first.” I sit down next to him. “How about a happy meal?”
Davie’s head shoots back up and his eyes are on fire. He jumps up and down squealing like I knew he would, and for the first time all day, I feel something.
“Alright let’s find your red coat and your hat so you’ll be warm tonight.” I open the closet and sort through our clothes.
He grumbles about the hat so I stuff it in my pocket for now and take his hand. I pull my phone out, press two and wait for my mom to pick up.
“Hey, it’s the busy shift.” Her voice sounds hurried and distant. “Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine,” I assure her. “I just wanted to let you know I’m taking Davie out to the football game.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“We’ll be back shortly after halftime,” I promise. “It will be good for him.” Good for me.
She sighs and I know she’ll give in because she needs to get back to work, and this means she’ll have a free night to spend with this week’s Joe.
“Alright. Just be careful, Crash. You know how football games can be. And take the bus, don’t walk.”
“I got it, Mom.”
“Alright, I’ve got to get back.” She’s already gone. “Tell Davie I love him. And I love you, too.”
“Love you, Mom.” But she’s already hung up.
“Did Mom say we can go?” Davie squeezes my hand with hope.
I nod. “She sure did.”
We walk half a block to McDonald’s, which isn’t too busy. Everyone is out getting ready for the game. Davie and I stop in front of the counter.
“What do you want, Davie?”
His eyes scan the wide menu, covered with bright colors and fancy pictures. I can tell that he’s trying to read as many of the words as he can. It’s not like I don’t already know what he’s going to choose.
“Chicken nuggets!” He hops a couple of times.
“Alright.” We walk up to the girl behind the counter. I realize it’s Lyss and feel myself blush.
“Can I get a number four? Medium. And a chicken nugget Happy Meal for the kid.” I squeeze Davie’s shoulder and he grins a toothless grin.
“Sure thing.” She nods. “You boys going to the game tonight?”
“Yeah.”
“We’re going to see the band,” Davie squeals.
“He likes marching bands,” I explain to Lyss.
She smiles. “I wish I could be there, but I’m stuck here until eleven.”
“Bummer. We’ll cheer them on for you.”
“Yeah!” Davie nods his head.
I pay for our food and Davie finds a booth by a window. I can’t remember the last time we ate something for dinner that wasn’t out of a box or can. I decide that Davie and I deserve to spend a little of my hard earned money.
Davie annihilates his chicken nuggets, and I do about the same to my cheeseburger. He goes on and on about a book his teacher is reading to his class, and a girl named Carmen who likes to play with him at recess. I listen intently, letting him ramble and soaking up his innocence. We order sundaes, strawberry for me and extra hot fudge for him. He’ll be bouncing off the bleachers in a few hours; perfect for a football game.
I try to let myself get as high as he is on the sugar. Half as high would suffice. I strive for the innocence, the eagerness that pours out of him. I muster up what excitement I can while we wait for the bus and he talks about a big truck on the other side of the street.
On the bus, I let Davie sit by the window and keep him close under my arm. He doesn’t seem to mind, but I know pretty soon he will. He’s almost to that don’t-touch-me-I-can-do-it-myself age. The bus drops us off a block from the school.
“Let’s go!” Davie hurries through the parking lot.
I hurry after him and we head to the stadium, where people are already filing in line for tickets.
“Where do you want to sit?” I ask him once we have our tickets. “We can sit anywhere you want.”
“Over here!” He points and I follow him. He finds a spot near the top and we sit down. Old couples and parents clutter around us, and I know they are wondering one of two things: is Davie my son; or where the hell is our mother?
We aren’t there for five minutes before Davie starts whining about concessions. Not that I didn’t expect it.
“Can we get a drink?”
“Not yet.” I shake my head. “If we get one now, you’ll have to pee. Then we might miss the band.”
That hushes him for a few minutes, until a big woman with curly blonde hair walks past us with a bag of popcorn.
“Can we get some popcorn?” Davie pulls on my sweatshirt. “Please?”
I grumble, but I can’t make myself say no to the kid. Not tonight. “Alright.” I take his hand. “Come on.”
I hold his hand tightly as we weave through the crowds of kids standing in front of the concession stands. This is how football games work. Everyone stands around for an hour until the game starts, then some of them pile into the stands while others stay out here. It’s annoying, but I keep my cool for Davie’s sake. I order us a big bag of popcorn, two cokes, and a pack of Twizzlers. Mom would die if she knew how much sugar Davie was eating. I’m tempted to buy M&Ms, just for the hell of it.
“Be careful with that.” I point to Davie’s drink when we’re back at our seats.
He sets his cup down carefully and stares at the field. A few seconds later his eyes light up.
“They’re coming!” He jumps up and down. “I hear them. They’re coming!”
Sure enough, I can faintly hear the sound of trumpets and horns approaching. A few minutes later our tiny marching band is waiting at the goal post and the football team hurries off of the field.
When the band plays, Davie doesn’t take his eyes off of them. He watches them, waves his arms around like Ruby, conducting them at his own tempo. The people around us watch and coo, but Davie is oblivious. I pull his hat out of my pocket and slip it on his head. He’s so into the band that he doesn’t even notice.
We stay until halftime is over. By that time Davie is exhausted. I carry him to the corner and we wait for the bus. He shivers in my arms and I hold him tight. He sleeps on my shoulder for most of the ride home. It’s just me and him and a couple wanderers on the bus. The driver pulls over a half a block from the hotel.
“Come on, Davie.”
He shutters awake and rubs his eyes. “I’m not tired.”
“I know.”
I carry him for the short walk to the hotel. As we get closer, I can tell something isn’t right. I see blue and red lights flashing like strobe lights in the parking lot. Eventually I realize there is a fire truck too, and people standing in the parking lot. It is complete chaos from what I can see.
I hurry across the street. My mom comes rushing towards me. Her cheeks are red and her breath comes out in quick puffs of white.
“Oh, thank God you’re okay!” She wraps her arms around Davie and me.
“What’s going on?”
Davie wakes up and I hand him to my mom.
“I don’t know what we’re going to do.” Mom shakes her head and rubs Davie’s back. “I don’t know where we’re going to go.”
“Mom.” A lump forms in my throat and I try to swallow it down. “What happened?”
She looks at me with wet eyes. “There was a fire.”
An hour later, the police have emptied our room. All of our belongings, everything we have, is stuffed into big black bags and piled in the parking lot. Luckily our wing of the hotel wasn’t affected by the fire. Apparently someone’s microwave exploded. And we’ve still got to leave. At least that’s what someone said. I sit with Davie on the sidewalk. He sleeps in my lap with one of mom’s old quilts wrapped around him. Mom talks to the police and the owner of the hotel. I found my iPod in one of the bags, so now I sit and let the music take me away. Cars fly past the hotel; people walk by and stare with curiosity. I close my eyes and shut it all out. I try to, anyway.
Mom walks towards me with her head down. She’s still in her uniform from the diner. She’s tired, defeated. I can see it all over her face.
“What happens now?” I ask her.
“We’re going to go down the street.” She crosses her arms against the cold night air. “Misses Oliver said we could stay The Eagle.”
“I guess we’ve got to take all of this stuff with us, huh?”
She nods. “I’m sorry, Crash. We’re going to get out of this. We’ll be okay.”
“I know.” I stand up with Davie still in my arms. “It’s only temporary, right?”
“Crash-”
“Don’t,” I mumble. “Let’s just get moving. Davie needs a bed.”
“Alright.”
I feel bad for snapping at her because I know she’s even more stressed than I am. But I can’t help it. How can she not see how tired I am? Maybe she does. Maybe she does get it, which is why she doesn’t argue.
We stuff everything we can into the car and I put Davie in the backseat. The Eagle Motel is just a few blocks away. Mom goes inside to get check in and get a key.
Davie rustles in the backseat. “Where are we?” He is still half asleep.
“We had to go another place for tonight.”
“Why?”
I decide there’s no reason to lie. “Because our old house caught on fire. So it’s not safe to live there right now.”
Davie looks out the window, then at the stuff piled in the seat next to him. “Am I dreaming?”
“No, Davie. You’re not dreaming. Mom will be back in a few minutes and we’ll get you in bed, okay?”
He sighs. “I wish we had a real house.”
I turn back around so he doesn’t see the tears in my eyes.
“Me too.”
After two trips, everything is in our new temporary room. Mom stays up for half the night making phone calls. Maybe we could stay with your Aunt Deena, she had said. Or maybe those apartments over on Hampton. I can pull more shifts at the diner and…
Once she realized I wasn’t in the mood to talk, she gave up. She’d walked across the street and bought a pack of Bailey’s cigarettes. She sits outside and smokes them one after another, calling anyone she can think of.
Davie sleeps right next to me with his head nestled against my ribcage. I match my breathing to his and try to fall asleep. Thoughts churn in my head. Mom is thinking of plans, but I start making my own. I realize I’ve got to do something. She can’t do it alone; she’s not strong enough. Me, I’m almost out. But the boy beside of me has years to go. Too many years to spend in shoddy hotel rooms eating mediocre food and taking the bus. And I know I’ll never be able to leave until I know everything is okay for him. I will do whatever it takes to give him what I didn’t have, to go back to the way things were.
I vow to get our life back.
