October 12: Samantha

Samantha


“Hold still.” My mom pulls the measuring tape around my chest and clucks her tongue. “This can’t be right.” She pulls it tighter.
“Mom, I can’t breathe.” I roll my eyes. “I’ve got boobs. It happens.”
“You’ve gained two inches.” She finally releases the tape and I suck in a breath. “That’s just not normal.”
“Mom, I’ve got to go to school.” I move away from the mirror.
“We’ve got to get you fitted for your dress, Sammy. The New Year’s Ball is just a few weeks away.”
“Two and half months, Mom.” I pull on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. “It’s in two and a half months. I’ve got time.”
“Not if you don’t stop gaining weight, you don’t.” She rolls up the tape and stares at me.
I pick up my bags and hurry downstairs. She follows me into the kitchen and slams the tape on the counter.
“Are you listening to me, Samantha?”
“I hear you, Mom.” I open the refrigerator and grab a cup of yogurt. “I hear you. Are you coming to the game?”
“I’m going to try,” she sighs and opens a bottle of water. “Your dad is working late tonight and I’ve got a lot to do as well.”
“It’s the first game,” I remind her. “My last first game ever.”
“I understand, Sammy. I said I would try, what more do you want?” She stares at me with hard blue eyes.
I give up. “I’m going to school.”
“What about breakfast?” Mom puts her hands on her hips.
“I’ll eat it on the way.” I make sure I slam the front door hard enough for the glass to rattle.
Once I’m out of the neighborhood, I throw the yogurt out of the window and keep driving. Hot tears collect in my eyes but I push them back and turn up the radio. When I get to school, I fix my makeup and force myself to smile. Anderson’s truck is parked in his reserved spot but he is nowhere around. I hurry into school and prepare for the rush of people.
“Oh my God!” Lena grabs my hand and pulls me into the mob. “I am so excited for tonight! What are you wearing?”
“I’m not sure.” I push a smile onto my face.
“We were thinking we could all get ready at Ivy’s place,” Reece says.
“So after school we can all go home and get clothes.”
“Sounds good.” I nod.
A few seconds later Anderson comes up behind me and my heart flutters. “Hey beautiful,” he whispers in my ear.
“Hey.” I turn to him and hug him tighter.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, my mom’s just being a bitch this morning.” I run my hands over his letterman’s jacket. “You ready for tonight?”
“You know it,” he assures me. “You excited?”
I roll my eyes. “Thrilled.”

Pep rally days are easy for atheletes. Most teachers worship us (except Mr. Fossett, who chooses today to have his first exam), so we get to relax. In Psychology, Riley makes it a point to go in after me so that he can sit as close to me as possible.
He walks in just before the bell rings and sits in the desk behind me. “Will I get to see you sling those pompoms today?” He whispers in my ear.
“You’re disgusting,” I say.
“Don’t be like that.” He touches my back and I flinch. “I was just kidding. I’m grateful to your kind for getting me out of school early.”
“My kind?” I turn around.
“Yeah. Athletes, preps, rich douche bags.” He winks. “Should I continue?”
“Shut up, Riley.”
When the bell rings, I walk as quickly as I can to meet Anderson for lunch. Riley doesn’t try to keep up and for some reason that makes me angry. Anderson and our friends are waiting at their lockers.
“We’ve gotta hurry up and eat,” James says. “Coach wants us in the locker room ASAP.”
Ivy nods. “We’ve got to eat fast too.”
In the cafeteria, the boys shove nachos in their mouths while the girls and I pick at carrots and celery. I sip on a Red Bull and take a few bites of Anderson’s food when he’s not looking.
“My mom is already bugging me about a dress for the ball,” I say. “Like it’s not two months away.”
“Please.” Ivy rolls her eyes. “My mom had my dress ordered weeks ago. Let’s hope I can still fit in it.” She throws down a cracker and sighs.
“Same here.” Lena nods.
“What color are you guys wearing?” Reece asks.
“Mine is yellow.” Lena says.
Ivy puts on a coat of lip gloss. “Pink of course.”
I let them talk about dress colors for as long as I can stand it. A few minutes later I stand up and brush off my jeans.
“We better get going.”
The girls stand up and follow me out of the cafeteria. The boys catch up and Anderson wraps his arm around me.
“I wanted to ask you something.”
“What?”
He smiles. “Will you be my date to the after party tonight?”
I roll my eyes. “Of course.”
He kisses my cheek and once we are in the gym, the guys go to their locker room and we go to ours.
“Let’s get this shit over with.” Lena opens her locker and strips down to her underwear.
“Hey, at least I’m getting out of calculus.” Reece pulls her shirt over her head and stares at herself in the mirror. I can see her ribs. I turn away and change into my red and white uniform.
“Picture!” Ivy pulls out her camera once we are all changed. We get in front of the mirror and she snaps a shot.
They squeal over the picture for a few minutes before I shoo them out of the locker room for stretching. Once we’ve warmed up, the girls take their place at the bottom bleachers and talk amongst themselves. I pull out my cell phone and check a text from my dad.
Sorry I can’t make it to the game. Cheer well.
Typical.
“Hey Sam.” I look up and see Jeoff Kente.
“Hey Jeoff!” I hug him. “What’s up? You excited about the game?”
He nods. “Oh yeah. I’m a little worried though.” He stuffs his hands in his pockets. “I’ve got to go home for a doctor’s appointment and I don’t know if my mom is going to be able to bring me back in time for the game. So I’m screwed, I guess.”
He stares at the ground and I sigh. “That sucks. Well I could pick you up.”
He looks up at me and smiles. “Are you sure? I mean I know you have practice and everything,” he stutters. “I don’t want to be a hassle.”
“Are you kidding?” I pat his arm. I don’t know why he didn’t just ask. Boys. “That’s what friends are for. Where should I pick you up?”
“The health clinic on Twenty-third?”
I think about where that is. Somewhere that both Anderson and my dad would kill me if they knew I was there alone.
“My appointment is at four-thirty, so I should be done by five if they are on time.”
“Sounds good.” I nod. What Anderson doesn’t know won’t hurt him. “I’ll be out there at five. I don’t have to be here until six, so it’s no big deal.”
“Thanks so much, Sam.”
“No problem!” I pat his arm again. “I’ve got to go find Anderson. I’ll see you tonight.”
I walk into the boys’ locker room without any hesitation. The boys are hollering in the back and I take my time. I hear the snap of a towel and a voice I don’t recognize.
“You’re pathetic.”
All of the guys go crazy. When I turn the corner, I see Anderson standing in front of someone much shorter than him. Anderson raises his hand and I stomp my foot.
“What the hell is going on?”
The whole team turns around and Anderson steps out of the way. I see Alex Reid standing in the corner behind him like a scared dog.
“Baby,” Anderson smiles, “what are you doing in here?”
“Leave him alone,” I push past him. “You guys need to leave that poor freshman alone.”
James laughs. “Don’t be such a girl. We’re just initiating him, making him part of the team.”
I tap my foot. “Did you get your ass whipped with a towel when you were a freshman, James, or did they skip that part? Maybe you need a spanking too.”
James stands up and holds his arms out. “You can spank me any day, sweetheart.” The team laughs.
I turn to Anderson. “I expected more from the captain.”
“It’s just the way it is.” He shrugs. “It’s my job as captain to put freshmen in their place.”
My face gets hot. “Alright, maybe I didn’t expect more from the captain. Maybe I expected more from my boyfriend.”
Anderson puts his head down.
“If you want a place in my life, then you will put that towel down right now.” My voice gets lower. “My boyfriend is not a bully.”
The room is silent. I can tell that Anderson is pissed, but finally he throws the towel down.
“Whatever.”
He storms out of the locker room and I smile at Alex. Alex just stares at the ground and I give the boys a hard look before following Anderson.
“Slow down,” I say to him once we are out of the locker room. He opens the door and steps outside.
“Anderson.”
“Do you realize how embarrassing that was?” He turns to me with a red face.
“What, that you were picking on a freshman that looks up to you? I'd be embarrassed too.” I put my hands on my hips. “He wants to be you, Anderson.”
He crosses his arms and huffs.
“I don’t know why anyone would want to be you after that performance.” I point towards the gym. “Maybe I shouldn’t have handled it like that. But you are not a bully; that’s not you.”
“I know,” he mutters.
“The team follows you.” I put my arms around his waist. “All I’m saying is that it’s time for us to grow up.”
“I know,” he says again.
“I’m sorry.” I bat my eyelashes and he cracks a smile.
“I’m sorry too.” He hugs me and kisses the top of my head. “I’m not a bully, I’m just an idiot.”
“Yeah,” I mutter. “Yeah, you are. I’ve got to go stretch. Do great out there.” I pat his butt and he laughs.
“Will do.”
During the pep rally, I put on my best fake smile and cheer at the top of my lungs. We do routines while the band plays pep tunes. When it is finally our turn to perform, Ruby gives us a quick introduction.
“I want you to give it up for our cheerleaders. They have put together a great routine to get you guys pumped for the game. I will hand the microphone over to the captain, Miss Samantha West.”
She smiles and hands me the microphone. “Thanks girl,” I say before putting the microphone up to my mouth. “Hey everybody! I’m Samantha and I’m the captain of the cheerleading squad.”
The crowd goes crazy and I keep my smile screwed tightly on my face. “I want you to put your hands together for me and my girls, and let’s show our team just how pumped we are for them!”
The students scream and the girls shake their pompoms around me. We breeze through our routine with perfect dismounts and formations. When we’re done, we make a tunnel for the football team.
Ruby introduces them and they run through our pompoms. Anderson gives a good speech; but like mine, it is strained. As the crowd screams for him, I see right through his red and white jersey and into his soul. He is miserable as the rest of the team crowds around him, just as I am miserable when Ivy and Reece scream in my ears.
“Let’s go Red!” I throw my arms in the air and shake my pompoms. We throw confetti around the gym and the whole room erupts into cheers and applause. I keep my smile and Anderson winks at me. His red carpet girlfriend, a prized, trophy actress.
I deserve an Academy Award.

Once the pep rally is over we go back into the locker room. I decide not to change out of my uniform and so do the rest of the girls.
“You guys want to go to El Pacifico?” Ivy asks. “I’m craving Mexican.”
“I’ve got some stuff to do before the game,” I tell her.
“What stuff?” Jade asks.
“Well, I’ve got to go home and get clothes and stuff for tonight.” I look at them. “And I’ve got some other stuff to do.”
“Whatever,” Lena shrugs. “I’m not hungry anyway.”
“You guys can still go,” I insist. “I don’t have to be around just for you guys to do something.”
“It’s no biggie.” Ivy shakes her head. “We’ll just go another time.”
I roll my eyes and hurry out of the locker room before I punch all of them. Anderson isn’t around anywhere so I walk to my car alone and I like it that way. People call to me from all angles but I just smile and keep walking.
When I get home the house is empty. I turn on my stereo in my room and lay down on the bed. My phone vibrates but I ignore it. When I find myself dozing off, I get up and walk into my closet. I pull out the first black dress I see and a gray jacket. I stuff them into a bag along with silver flats and a necklace and zip up the bag.
My stomach growls as I walk down the steps but I ignore it and pass the kitchen. Once I’m in the car, I decide to stop by the soup kitchen. It is close to the free health clinic, so I swing by.
I help Joan and the other volunteers cut up vegetables to make soup. Mack and I set up the tables and he asks me about school. I lie and tell him everything is going great, that I love school and I am excited for the football game.
The usuals start showing up around 4:30. I sit down and talk to them and Louis tells me not to do anything crazy tonight. He is tells me about one of his championship games until I cut him off.
"Well, I'd love to stay boys. But I've got a game to get to."
I leave quickly and take the long way to the clinic. When I get there, Jeoff is waiting outside.
“Hey Jeoff.” I beep the horn and he hurries to the car. Once he is in I pull out of the lot.
“Everything okay?”
“Oh yeah, everything is fine.” He turns to me. “I just had to get a physical. Basketball, you know.”
“Right.”
I hurry through the ghetto and back into the main part of the city. People look at me like I’m crazy, but I don’t mind. My stomach claws at me, begging for food like a hungry dog. I rub my hand over the flesh that peeks through my uniform. My mom would die if she knew I ate fast food.
All the more reason to get it.
“I’m starving.” I look at Jeoff. “I think I’m gonna stop at Sonic.”
“Okay.”
A few minutes later I pull into the Sonic drive-thru and order mozzerlla sticks and a cherry limeade. My mouth waters when she reads the order back to me.
“Do you want anything?” I turn to Jeoff.
He shakes his head. “I forgot my wallet at home.”
Liar. “Well you can’t go all night without eating.” I look at his wiry body, too small for his extra large shirt. “What do you want? I’ll get it for you.”
“You really don’t have to do that. I’m fine.”
“Jeoff,” I sigh. “Shut up.”
He laughs. “Number seven. Coke.”
I order him a large number seven with a coke and pull up to the window. The cashier hands me my credit card and our food. She looks at me, then at Jeoff. Her face tells me she’s wondering what he’s doing there, but I smile at her.
“Thank you. Have a good day.” I drive off before she can say anything else. “Eat up.” I hand Jeoff his drink.
The first bite of my food tastes so good that I almost swerve off of the road. The cheese is hot in my mouth and I chew it slowly. I slurp down the cherry limeade. The grease and sugar settles in my stomach and the puppy stops growling. Jeoff eats his food fast and I give him my last two mozzerella sticks. When we pull into school, I am full and guilty.
Jeoff opens his door and gets out. “Thanks for the ride, Sam.”
I pull my bag out of the trunk and smile. “Anytime. Good luck out there tonight.”
“Yeah, you too,” he mumbles.
I dump the rest of my cherry limeade out and run into school with my bag over my shoulder. I decide that if I don’t give the calories time to settle, they will disappear before my mom can find them with her tape measurer.
I go into the locker room where the girls are all straightening their hair and covering their eyes with glitter.
“There you are,” Lena says. “We’ve been calling.”
“Sorry,” I mutter. “Can you braid my hair?”
She smiles and I sit down between her legs. She twists my hair back into a tight braid and ties a red and white bow at the end. We take turns painting the letters ‘FPHS’ on each others’ cheeks. The girls giggle and talk about their dates for the party, but I mostly keep quiet and poke at my guilty stomach.
“Let’s go,” I say once we are all ready. We walk quickly down to the stadium to start our stretches. I let Lena run the stretches and I take over to practice our cheers. We go over a few stunts and soon the stands start to fill up.
When the band marches down, we take our position on the home sideline. We stand with our arms behind our backs during the prayer and National Anthem. The band marches into a tunnel and we connect to them. I shake my pompoms while the team gets pumped up in the inzone. Anderson chants something and the team calls it back.
The crowd goes crazy when the team runs through the banner that Ivy and Jade hold at the end of the tunnel. I shake my pompoms and scream at the top of my lungs. We cheer on the sidelines and keep the crowd on their feet. We impress them with our stunts and flips. With every back flip, every twist and tuck, I pray that my ankle will give. I’ve become perfect at my flips. I couldn’t mess up if I tried.
I search the stands for my mom, but don’t see her anywhere in the sea of red and white. She wouldn’t be wearing either of those anyway. I clap my hands together and smile as Ivy and Maya lift me into a stunt. They toss me up and air swirls around me when I cross my arms over my chest and twist into their arms. Their arms don’t give. I don’t fall.
When the game is over, the team crowds around the band. The cheerleaders hover around them and shake their pompoms and squeal while the band plays. Anderson finds me and picks me up. I kiss his cheek and he spins me around.
“You were great,” I say into his ear.
“I love you.” He smiles at me and puts me down when the rest of the team runs towards the field house.
I follow the squad back to the locker room. They are still screaming and my head starts to hurt.
“This season is going to be amazing!” Ivy jumps up and down and shakes her pompoms.
“Now it’s time to get wasted.” Lena shimmies out of her skirt and pulls her jeans on.
“Amen!” Reece throws her hands up. She bumps her hip against mine and smiles.
Jesus save us.

We shower and get dressed at Ivy’s house. Her house is almost as big as mine, but her bedroom is huge. I pull my dress on and decide to leave my hair curly. Ivy’s mom mixes us all a glass of cranberry juice and Grey Goose. Jade declines because she’s driving. They all dress in bright colors and slather makeup all over their faces. Reece wears the bra that pushes her boobs up and says if that doesn’t get Zack’s attention, she doesn’t know what will.
The boys come by around eleven-thirty and we follow them to James’s house. By the time we get there, things are already crazy. Anderson opens my door and holds his hand out.
“You look great.” He winks and pulls me close. He is dressed in a flannel button up and dark jeans.
“You too.”
He grabs my hand and I follow him into James’s house. The place is big and his parents are away on a church retreat. Several of our friends are standing outside on the porch. They cheer and raise their glasses when we walk up the steps.
“What’s up fellas?” Anderson nods to them.
Ethan and Tommie stop to shake their hands while the rest of us go inside. Many of the people in the house are already drunk or high or both. Music bumps thick with base and rattles the picture frames hanging on the walls. I wonder where Gabe is, but before I can investigate it Ivy puts a beer in my hand and Anderson pulls me onto the dance floor.
We dance in the dark living room, our bodies touching those of the people around us. He keeps his hands tight around my waist and I run mine up and down his arms. I sip the beer for the first few minutes, but eventually I put it down and focus on moving with him. After several minutes of dancing, Ethan pulls on Anderson’s arm.
“We’re up for beer pong, buddy.” He points to the kitchen.
“Alright.” Anderson nods. “I’ll be back soon.” He kisses my forehead.
“Go,” I insist.
He and Ethan get on a winning streak. They end up playing beer pong for most of the night. I mix a drink in the kitchen and search for my friends. Jade stands right next to Ethan, cheering every time he sinks a cup. Ivy is in the foyer with Tommie. He’s rebounding hard and she’s probably grateful for the attention.
David showed up so Maya is somewhere upstairs with him. Reece and Zack sit on the stairs, making out and pulling on each others’ clothess. I hurry past Tommie and Ivy and open the front door. The porch is empty so I sit down in one of the rocking chairs and take a long drink of my pineapple juice laced with rum.
I hear the screen door open and Gabe walks out onto the porch. He looks at me and smiles.
“Nice night, huh?”
“Sure.” I nod and take another drink.
“Sorry if you wanted to be alone. I couldn’t take the sex noises anymore. And the weed messes with my allergies.”
“It’s cool.” I shrug. “This is your house.”
He sits down in the chair next to me and rocks. I hold out my cup to offer him a drink but he declines.
“Not my thing.”
“Mine either,” I admit.
We are silent for a few minutes before he looks at me. “What’s it like to be a star?”
“I wouldn’t know,” I mumble. “I’m just a cheerleader.”
“Yeah, but everybody loves you.” Gabe sighs. “I dream of that. I hope that one day people love me as much as they love you.”
“Be careful what you wish for.” I pour the rest of my drink out in the bushes and lean my head back. “Be careful.”
He doesn’t say anything else and neither do I. We sit there in silence and I close my eyes. I can’t fathom someone wanting to live like me, have my life. I consider asking Gabe what he considers a star. Instead I stare up at the stars and think of everything I’m doing and everything that I could be doing. The lies and fake smiles are becoming nauseating. And like each star in the sky, eventually I am going to burn out.

I vow to find my light again.

October 12: Jeoffrey

Jeoffrey


I stuff earbuds in my ears and turn on my cheap MP3 player, a Christmas gift from Jamal’s mom last year. I listen to the classics- Tupac, Biggie, Kid ’N Play. They rap about struggles, and even though their struggles were twenty-something years ago, I understand their lyrics, empathize with them. Dominique taps me on the shoulder but I ignore her and press the buds so far into my ears they hurt. I don’t want to talk to anyone this morning, don’t want to hear their stories or invites to some party tonight.
Dominique persists and finally I pull one of the buds away and stare at her. “What, Dominique?”
“Damn, what’s your problem?” She crosses her arms over her chest and rolls her eyes. “I just wanted to know if you were going out tonight. There’s a party over at the Peaks if you wanna go.”
“I can’t,” I mumble and go back to my music. She turns away and huffs, but I don’t care. I’m getting lost in Gang Starr’s Code of the Streets. The lyrics sing my life story and I replay the events of this morning in my head.
Mom had left for the hotel early so I was making bowls of oatmeal for Damien and I. We were running late and I dumped a few spoonfuls of sugar into his bowl and handed it to him. The back bedroom door opened and Damien and I both sucked in a breath.
Cody came down the hallway in his boxers with his hand over her stomach.
“What the fuck is all that noise?” He stares hard at me.
“Sorry, I was making breakfast.” I sat down at the table next to Damien and scooped sugar into my bowl. I knew I wasn’t making a lot of noise; I had been as quiet as possible to avoid waking him up.
“I want this house cleaned up when I get home tonight.” He looked around the living room and kitchen, which were already spotless. “You ain’t going anywhere until this place is clean.”
“I can’t,” I said. “Tonight is our first football game. I’ve got to play.”
He came around the counter and grabbed the back of my neck so hard I saw spots. He squeezed with his fingers as I squirmed in my chair. Damien’s eyes got wide when Cody lowered his face to my ear.
“I know you ain’t talking back to me, boy.” He tightened his grip and pressed my face close to the table. “I said I want my house clean. You like to eat don’t you?”
“Yes,” I replied with no breath.
“Then you’ll do what I say.” He pushed off of my neck before he let go. My teeth bit down on my tongue and I could taste blood. My forehead hit the table and I winced.
Cody stalked back to his room without another word. I sat up and rested my chin in my hands. I took a few bites of the oatmeal, but it was thick and bland. There wasn’t enough sugar in the house to make it taste good.
Damien swirled his spoon around in his bowl and sniffled. I patted the back of his head a couple of times and forced a smile.
“Don’t worry about it,” I told him. “I’m alright.”
“I can clean the house while you get ready for the football game. It don’t matter to me; I can do it.”
I shook my head. “Nah, it’s not worth the risk. What if he came home early. I’ll figure something out. Don’t worry about it.”

Now I sit, my stomach empty and my head blaring. I try to figure out how I’m going to get back to school in time for the game. When we get to school, I still don’t have a plan.
“What’s up with you, man?” Jamal punches me lightly and smiles. “You ain’t said nothing all morning.”
“Just tired,” I mumble.
“Alright. Well I know you don’t really like going out, but it’s about to be the first big party of the year.” He grins from ear to ear. “It’s gonna be a good time, nigga.”
“I’ll see, Jamal.”
He leaves me alone after that, joining the rest of our friends in talk about the party going down tonight. The last thing I need is to get in trouble with the cops, and cops are always at the Peaks.
In homeroom I try to pay attention to the announcements, but my mind is distant. I make it through my classes, but by lunch I am freaking out. I am so hungry that my hands are shaking, so I pile my tray with food and eat it quickly. I ignore my friends and finish quickly so that I can get to the gym before the pep rally.
“Where you going?” Jamal asks when I get up to dump my tray.
“I’ll see ya’ll after school,” I mumble.
I walk through the gym to make sure they have blocked off the bleachers for the band. Sometimes they forget and it really pisses Mr. East off. I see the cheerleaders warming up. Sam is leading their stretches and a few seconds later they all stand up and start talking. A thought clicks in my head and I walk over to Sam, who is typing away on her cell phone.
Hesitation comes over me, but I realize that I don’t have much time left to figure out a plan. I can’t miss the game and I can’t ignore Cody’s demands.
“Hey Sam,” I say before I let doubt get the best of me.
She looks up from her phone and smiles. “Hey Jeoff!” She wraps her arms around me and squeezes. “What’s up? You excited about the game tonight?”
“Oh yeah,” I say. “I’m a little worried, though. I’ve got to go home for a doctor’s appointment and I don’t know if my mom is going to be able to bring me back in time for the game. So I’m screwed, I guess.”
“That sucks.” She tucks her phone in her bra and sighs. “Well I could pick you up.”
My face lights up and I thank God that she caught on. “Are you sure? I mean I know you have practice and everything. I don’t want to be a hassle.”
“Are you kidding?” She pats my arm. “That’s what friends are for. Where should I pick you up?”
I consider telling her to pick me up at my house. Iknow she wouldn’t care where I live. But my neighborhood is no place for a pretty white girl to be driving around in some luxury car.
“The health clinic on Twenty-Third?” I figure I can clean the house and get to the clinic in time. “My appointment is at four-thirty, so I should be done by five if they are on time.”
“Sounds good.” She nods. “I’ll be out there at five. I don’t have to be here until six, so it’s no big deal.”
“Thanks so much, Sam.”
“No problem!” She pats my arm again and smiles. “I’ve got to go find Anderson. I’ll see you tonight.”
A little bit of weight is lifted off of my shoulders, but my neck still hurts and I mentally thank Samantha a hundred more times before I get to the band room. The bell rings and the band kids trail in one by one. They get out their instruments and music while I polish my drum.
“Guys, everybody get in your seats.” Ruby stands up on the podium and everyone hurries to their seats. I strap on my drum and click the sticks against the rim to warm up.
Ruby goes over the music for the pep rally. I’ve already got all of it memorized so I don’t bother with music.
“Alright,” Ruby lifts her arms, “let’s warm up and then we are going to head into the gym.” After we’ve warmed up, she puts her hands on her hips.
“Okay get your music and let’s go. Just because this is a pep rally doesn’t mean we don’t play with a good, strong sound. Does everyone understand?”
“Yeah,” we all mutter and follow her outside towards the gym. Pep rallies are the least exciting performances. Nobody pays attention to us and we play lame music.
The band piles into the bleachers and I stand at the bottom with my drum strapped on.
“Get up Go Big Red,” Ruby tells us. Once people start coming into the gym, we play. We play Go Big Red so many times that I almost fall asleep. Finally Ruby stops us and hurries to the center of the gym.
After several games and pep tunes are played, the cheerleaders do their routine. Sam tells us to put our hands together for her and the squad and everyone claps. I roll on my drum a little bit before taking it off. The girls dance and the crowd goes crazy at their stunts. I thank Sam again before they run off the court. Finally the football team comes out. Ruby introduces them after we play another song and they rush out like a herd of elephants. They whoop and holler and the crowd does the same.
After a long speech from Coach Barnes, Anderson takes the microphone. Everyone quiets down to hear what he has to say.
“We want to thank everyone for the support. I love seeing all of the red and white out there and I hope to see more of it tonight. Go crazy. I want to see body paint, pompoms, all of it.”
The crowd goes crazy and he calms them back down.“This is my last first game here at Five Points. I’ve thrown a lot of footballs. I can promise you that this is the best team of the best guys I have ever played with. We are going all the way this year. Everyone come out tonight and support us. We love you guys. Go Boomers!”
The crowd cheers and the football team closes in, feeding off of the energy. Confetti flies around the room and the cheerleaders shake their pompoms like they are on crack. I tap the band off for Go Big Red once the music track is finished and everyone leaves the bleachers. Some of them crowd around the football team and cheerleaders, others sneak off to have a cigarette while there are no teachers around. I follow the band kids to our room so I can put my drum up before the bell rings.
“Hey Jeoff,” Seth calls. “You wanna go to Burger King with us?”
I set my drum on the shelf and grab my book bag.
“Can’t,” I say. “I have a doctor’s appointment.”
“Alright,” Seth nods. “Maybe next time.”
“Yeah.” I hurry out of the band room and towards the bus parking lot.
“Hey Jeoff!” I hear someone behind me. It’s Gabe DeCarteret. He hurries to catch up to me and smiles.
“What’s up?”
“Not much, man.” I look around quickly to make sure none of my friends are around. They would tear Gabe apart if they saw him talking to me.
“Misses Mashburn wanted me to ask if you were going to be playing in the spring musical. I know it’s a few months away, but she wanted to start as soon as we get back from Christmas break.”
“Yeah,” I mumble. “Yeah, I’m gonna do it.”
“Awesome.” He is so cheerful and energetic. I wonder what his secret is. “Can you talk to some of the other band kids and try to get a small ensemble together? We don’t want to have to pay a band.”
“Sure.” I see Jamal and Delante approaching. “I’ve got to get to the bus, but I’ll let you know what I find out.”
“Thanks Jeoff!” Gabe pats my shoulder and turns away. “Good luck at the game tonight,” he calls over his shoulder.
I hurry to the bus before Jamal and Delante can see me. They get on a few seconds later with Keyan and Dominique.
“What’s up niggas?” Keyan shakes all of our hands and sits in the seat in front of me. That was the seat Janey sat in on the first day; she hasn’t rode since. I guess they scared her off.
“Ya’ll coming to the game tonight?” I ask.
A few of them laugh. “Yeah, we’ll be there for a while. Then we’re going to the Peaks.” Jamal types on his cell phone.
“Better make sure ya’ll stay until halftime, fools.” I throw a fake punch towards him and he dodges.
“So we can see that whack ass band?” Keyan sits up on his knees, ignoring the driver’s yells. “Tell them to play some good music and I will.”
“For real,” Delante agrees. “Get some Weezy in there and I’ll come.”
“Whatever,” I mumble.
“What you doing here anyways?” Dominique asks “Don’t you got practice or something?”
“I gotta clean the house first. I’ll be over there later.”
“Alright,” Jamal says, “well we might stay for halftime. If we are winning we will stay, okay?”
“Okay.”

I wait at the corner for Damien’s bus. Of course the driver picks today to be running late. Finally the bus pulls up and Damien and I hurry to the house. Cody isn’t there and we both breathe easy.
“I’ll take living room and kitchen,” I say. “You take the bathrooms.”
“Okay.” He hurries into our bathroom without a fuss.
When I am done vacuuming and dusting, he comes out into the living room and wipes his hands over his jeans.
“I want to come to the game.”
I look up at him. “I want you to come. Maybe Mama will be home early enough and she can take you.”
“She ain’t got no money.”
I reach into my pocket and pull out a five dollar bill. “Here, take this. If she gets home in time, tell her to drive you over there. She can pick you up when she gets me.”
“Alright.”
We finish cleaning and I have just enough time to take a shower. When I get out, Damien is watching TV in the living room.
“There’s leftover spaghetti in the fridge if you get hungry,” I tell him. “Make sure you ask Mama to bring you to the game.”
“Okay,” he says.
I make a peanut butter sandwich and shove it in my mouth before making the run to the clinic. It is several blocks away and I don’t have much time. I use my basketball legs and run in long strides. I pass the crack heads and the baby mamas and keep running, allowing them to blur together into an imaginary world.
When I get to the clinic, Sam still isn’t there. I sit down on the sidewalk and suck in as much air as I can. A few minutes later, Sam pulls up and I am hungry again.
“Hey Jeoff,” she calls from the car and waves.
I get in the car and sit up straight; I don’t want my sweat to ruin the perfect interior. The air conditioning is cool and I sigh. She whips out of the parking lot and eventually I lean back.
“Everything okay?”
I look at her and remember that I was supposed to be at the doctor. “Oh yeah, everything is fine. I just had to get a physical. Basketball, you know.”
“Right,” she says. We ride through the worst streets of Chicago, and she doesn’t even seem to notice the looks and stares from the gangsters outside.
“I’m starving. I think I’m gonna stop at Sonic.” She fumbles for her wallet.
“Okay.”My stomach growls.
When we get to Sonic, she pulls up to the drive-thru menu. She orders mozzerella sticks and a cherry limeade.
“Do you want anything?” She looks at me.
My stomach tightens as I shake my head. “I forgot my wallet at home,” I lie.
“Well you can’t go all night without eating.” She rolls her eyes playfully. “What do you want? I’ll get it for you.”
“You really don’t have to do that,” I insist. “I’m fine.”
“Jeoff,” she stares at me, “shut up.”
“Number seven.” I smile. “Coke.”
“Can I also get a large number seven with a coke?” She calls into the speaker.
“Boys are so difficult,” she mutters and pulls up to the window.
When we get our food, she pulls around and I see Ruby sitting with some of her friends at one of the round red tables. I turn the other way and hope that she doesn’t see me.
“Eat up,” Sam says and hands me my Coke.
I finish the food before we get to school. She gives me her last two mozzerella sticks and I savor each bite. I can’t even remember the last time I ate out. She talks about cheerleading and her work at a soup kitchen. I talk about basketball, but mostly listen to her. When we get to school, she parks her BMW close to the front.
“Thanks for the ride, Sam.” I get out of the car.
She opens the trunk and pulls out a bag. “Anytime,” she says with a smile. “Good luck out there tonight.”
“Yeah, you too.”
I hurry to the band room and change into my uniform.
“You’re late, Jeoff.” Mister East walks past me.
“Sorry, Sir.” I pull my pants up and tighten the suspenders.
He keeps walking and I put my harness on over my head. Max zips my jacket up and I put my drum on. Ruby comes in a few minutes later. She looks like some sort of circus freak; I guess that’s what Mr. East was going for.
I wipe a cloth over my shoes while Mr. East gives us a pep talk. “You guys are going to be great. You’re ready for this,” he says.
Ruby warms us up and then gives us a nice speech too. She’s a great speaker and gets us pumped for the game. We march down to the stadium while I cadence. By the time we perform the pregame show, most of the stands are full. Everyone on this side of town is here for the first game of the season.
After prayer and the fight song, we march off of the field. The football team has flooded the field and we pile into the stands while the game starts. I peel my jacket off and wipe my face. I search the stands to see if my mom and brother made it, but I don’t see them anywhere.
When we perform our halftime show, there is a good crowd that sticks around. I see my friends standing around at the top of the bleachers. They aren’t really paying attention, but at least they are here. They clap half-heartedly when the rest of the audience does. We finish strong though, and I couldn’t be more proud of our performance.
“Great run,” Mr. East says once we are off the field. He pats me on the back and smiles. “Great run.”
We win the game by thirteen points. It was tough but Anderson and the rest of the team played hard. The crowd goes crazy as we play the alma mater and the team collects in front of us. Once we are done, the team runs to the field house and we march up to the band room.
I take off my uniform and hang it up in the uniform room. I wipe down my drum as quickly as I can, knowing my mom is probably outside waiting for me. Ruby grabs my arm when I walk past her with my drum.
“What about you Jeoff?” She smiles. “You want to go to Denny’s?”
It’s a tradition for all of the band kids to go to Denny’s after a home game. They always invite me, and I always decline. As much as I would like to go, I have no money, no ride, and no intentions of getting either from someone else.
“Nah, I can’t. I’ve got to go home.” I push my drum onto the shelf.
She nods and I know she already knew my anser. “Okay, maybe next time.” They always say that.
“Yeah, maybe.”
A few minutes later, they all hurry off together to go eat and have fun. I trail behind them with my bags and search the parking lot for my mom’s car. I find her right outside the band room leaned against her car, smoking a cigarette. She doesn’t do that very often.
“Where’s Damien?” I ask.
“He didn’t come.” She puts the cigarette out and gets in the car.
“Why not? I gave him money.”
“I know,” she syas and starts the car. “Cody wouldn’t let him go. He forgot to take out the trash in the kitchen.”
“Shit,” I mumble. “That was my fault, Mama. Damien cleaned the bathrooms. I just forgot because I was in such a hurry.”
“Well, he grounded Damien.” She stares ahead.
“I’ll fix that,” I assure her.
She shakes her head. “Don’t start anything. Please, Jeoffrey.”
We sit in silence for the rest of the ride. She doesn’t ask about the game.

When we get home, Cody is drinking a beer in the living room. Damien is in our room listening to the radio. He’s stretched out on his bed and doesn’t say anything when I walk in.
“I’m sorry, bro.” I throw my bags down. “I forgot to take out the trash.”
“It’s okay.” He shrugs.
“No it’s not.” I change my clothes and sit on his bed. “I’m gonna go tell Cody it was me. I’m sorry you couldn’t come to the game.”
“How was it?” He sits up a little bit.
“We won.”
“How did you guys do?”
“Great,” I say and smile. “Wish you could’ve seen it.”
“Me too.”
I pat his leg and take a deep breath. I go out into the living room where Cody is still sitting.
“Cody, it was me that forgot to take out the trash. Damien cleaned the bathrooms; I was in charge of the kitchen.”
“That’s not what I heard.” He doesn’t look up from the television.
“It’s the truth. Don’t punish Damien.”
He stands up quickly. “Are you gonna tell me what to do?”
“Cody, you’re drunk.” I back away from him. “I’m just telling you what happened. If you want to punish someone, punish me.”
He grabs my arm and twists it behind my back. “You gonna tell me how to run my house?” He pushes me against the wall.
Mama comes out into the hallway and screams. “Cody, stop it!”
He pushes her away and turns back to me. He pulls my arm so hard that I think my shoulder must be dislocated. I crash down onto the ground and he is on top of me before I can blink.
“Cody, please!” Mama yells and pulls on his shirt. “Leave him alone!”
“You ain’t gonna tell me what to do!” Cody slams his fist into my chest. “You wanna be punished? I’ll punish you!”
He beats his fists onto my chest and face like a bass drum. My ear drums ring and my brain rattles in my head as he knocks my face back and forth. It becomes a horrible cacophony: the thuds of Cody’s fists against my hollow body, Mama’s high-pitched cries, Cody’s low and hungry growl.
Finally he finishes and climbs off of me. Mama covers me with her body and weeps. Cody sits back down at the couch and takes a long drink from his beer.
“Damien’s still grounded.”
Mama cries and rubs my bruised face. Finally I move out from under her and limp to my room. Damien is crying into his pillow.
“I’m sorry, Jeoff.” He looks up at me. “I’m sorry.”
Mama’s cries mingle with his and I lay in bed. I shut my eyes and try to go to sleep but every part of me hurts. I lay awake for most of the night, even after Mama and Damien fall asleep. Cody stumbles to bed sometime and I hold my breath while he walks down the hall. Ideas run through my head. I try to decide how I’m going to get rid of Cody. But maybe Cody isn’t the problem; I think it’s bigger than that. I have to get away from this place, and fast. It is killing me. Every day I die a little more.
I vow to do whatever it takes to get out of here.